Why African Men Still Cheat in Marriage

Infidelity in marriage is a topic as old as time. However, it has gained more recognition in Africa in recent centuries. Why do men—and women—cheat?

You may find it ambiguous to admit that civilization has a lot to do with it but it is the fact. We would get to that shortly.

This article shall be looking at some of the reasons African men cheat. They are adapted from a survey sent out by RNN.

Suffice to say that even if a woman is perfect (which is not possible anyway), some men will still cheat.

Also, let us establish that cheating is not only limited to being sexually involved with another person besides your partner. It could be emotional or even physical.

Couples holding hands | Source: Pexels.com

Not All Men Cheat

First, let’s address the misconception that ‘all men cheat’. No, that is the most confused belief anyone should have.

I don’t blame women who purport this ideology. It’s not easy to have your heart broken severally by different men who did the same thing differently – Cheat!

Nevertheless, your experience, along with that of several other women, can not be used to generalise. The men you met doesn’t represent ‘all men’. Although, the ratio of cheating men may outnumber the faithful ones but let’s not overrule their existence.

Quite unfortunately, more men are raised in this belief system where ‘cheating is normalised’. Since they believe everyone cheats, it gives them a sense that it is normal.

The holy book says “unto the pure, all things are pure”, perhaps if you change your mindset, you may get to connect with someone with like mindset.” Okay, maybe not but your renewed mindset would surely help educate people that would inherit it. Thus, eliminating the misconception that has corrupted the world.

Take it or leave it but the truth remains that not all men cheat. And this has nothing to do with their women or whatsoever. It’s just a principle they hold.

Now, I hope we are on the same page that not all men cheat. If you are not, just pretend as you do for a while so you can understand this next one.

Civilization and The Polygamous Nature of African History

Let me put it like this: What if the prevalence of men cheating has something to do with our origin? This is going to be a hard fact to swallow but please permit me to explain better.

The African man is Polygamous by nature. It’s a custom that’s been practised by humans throughout history (some still do).

Previously, men are allowed to marry as many wives as they can cater for.  At that time, cheating was frowned upon and attracts certain punishment by the community should a person be caught.

However, the incursion of civilization swept this under the carpet and made ‘one man to one wife’ the new culture. This idea is further seconded by some religion and propagated by gender equality advocates.

From the survey conducted, RNN observed that most men do not really agree with the ‘one man to one wife’ culture. However, fears that society would look at them differently compels them.

Consequently, they view cheating as the gateway to satisfying their bottled desires.

Bolaji Egbeyemi, a psychologist says “It’s okay if civilization is pushing us to accept the nuclear family system. But that doesn’t mean we overrule the existing system. What’s the point of discarding our culture when it actually creates more problems than it solves.”

Femi Gbadeyan, an educationist and speaker, opines that “Not to be biased, women have a lesser tendency to cheat than men do. The modern-day world may be changing that narrative but a woman can be ‘normally’ satisfied by one man. Unless a woman is promiscuous or has a very high insatiable sexual urge, women are usually contented with one man.”

Most African men, on the other hand, are contrary. I can’t pinpoint a reason but research proves men have a higher tendency to cheat.

However, this doesn’t mean cheating is endorsed. If you want to adopt the polygamous marriage system, do so without shame.

Poor Communication

Communication is the bedrock of every successful relationship. No relationship can thrive without proper communication. At least, not for long before it escalates.

Most relationships begin to lose sight of this the moment the knot is tied. Perhaps, with the belief that “we now live together and ‘see’ everything, there is no need to discuss it.” This creates an unnecessary gap that grows with time.

If either of the couple finds ‘a friend’ with whom they enjoy communication, it creates an unnecessary bond. Although it’s not planned, it may graduate to cheating.

Rage, envy, or a desire for vengeance drive certain people to act out and cheat. Even if their partner hasn’t cheated on them, if they’ve offended their partner in any way  (for example, having a close relationship with another man), the partner may end up cheating to make a point.

Also, there is this ideology that most women carry. The ‘he is supposed to know’ kind of thing.

Okay, it’s bad but if your partner forgets your birthday, what wrong with reminding him or pre-informing him? or you are having mood swings and you expect him to magically detect what is wrong and what needs to be done?

What’s wrong with “baby, I am feeling so so so, could you so so so? You don’t have to make it a big deal. You are special and loved regardless.

PS: Men should look into what their women need and want. Ask her about it if you are not the ‘very observant’ kind. Set reminders if you always forget her special days.

Frustration in Marriage

Yeah, marriage is a beautiful thing and he who finds a wife/husband finds a good thing… But, that beautiful marriage you admire has its ups and downs.

One of the major ‘downs’ common with every marriage is frustration. The feeling of been stuck with someone for the rest of your life is something most people find hard to shake off.

Having to be constantly offended by the same person you can’t do without. There is a limit to each person’s level of tolerance so it’s only a matter of time before some people get frustrated.

So, in search of a greener pasture that eases the frustration, the cheating begins. This is not particular to men, it goes both ways.

If you observe this in your relationship, you should probably address it.  Discuss what frustrates you and see how either or both of you can compromise or adjust.

READ ALSO: Woman kills her only child over frustration from husband in Ogun

Pretence During Courtship

Yes, pretence during courtship might have earned you that ring or that woman but for how long can you keep up the act?

It is a dangerous ladder to climb. Be real with your partner. If you see qualities you don’t like, speak up if it can be adjusted otherwise, break up. It’s okay to have disagreeing attributes with your partner but can it fit eventually?

Marriage is a life-long commitment. Can you keep up with your act to keep the relationship forever? Don’t pretend to tolerate what you can’t, speak up!

Pretence only creates a false sense of identity. It’s only a matter of time before it washes off and when it does, it won’t be good for you.

In conclusion

There are several other reasons that may cause men to cheat. Generally, every relationship will have different things they are okay—and definitely not okay—with.

Some other common ones include: involvement of a third party, emotional immaturity, lack of attention,

Relationship therapist Ken Page, LCSW notes that “People have very, very different feelings about this. This is something that needs a lot of discussion between partners. What’s most important is that one partner doesn’t override the other person’s needs and feelings around this.”

In another article, I wrote on Every Relationship Needs These 3 Things to Survive Forever. It borders on how you can implement wisdom to sustain your relationship.